I wrote this about a year ago and didn’t get around to publishing it. I just found it and well it’s all still pretty relevant today. Take five and have a read.
On November 13th, 2021 I made it to 46 years here on this planet. I was ecstatic. I love having a birthday and knowing that I am here for another day, for another experience, for another opportunity to learn more about this crazy game of life we live each day. I also celebrate as for many years I really hated my birthday. I don’t use the word hate lightly, it’s got a big energy about it, but I did. I was conditioned to see age as a bad thing. The crazy part is that having experienced more death than any other human I have met it was a crazy way to be. Why did I hate getting older?
Here’s the thing….growing old is a blessing denied to many. My very first experience of death was at nursery school. One of the children died of an illness, I don’t recall what. I also don’t really remember how I felt, I do recall the memory. How many people die young, how many people never get to grow old! So why, when I was getting this blessing of growing older was I pissed about it? Conditioning that’s why. My conditioning and beliefs as I grew up were all about how awful it was to get old and to not look the same. To have to trawl on this thing called life for another day. When I was in my early 30’s (I didn’t celebrate my 30th Birthday or 31st, 32, or 33rd!) I had a friend who was just 40 and died of breast cancer. She had two young children and I helped and supported her husband and children. It made me stop and think about how blessed I was. A few years prior to this, I had a mental breakdown at 29. That started me on the road of putting me first yet at this point age was still a thing I was not dealing with well. It made me realise I was blessed to be here, that I had a life to live and understanding happiness was going to be one of my plights in life.
That then leads me on to my point of this. Actually being alive means you have a choice to be happy! Why would you want to live a happy life? Over my years I have had many, many experiences. There was a significant period in my life where pretty much everything went wrong for a long time. It was like the Bill Murray film GroundHog day. Each day seemingly the same, yet when I reflected not really. If you really look at the detail in that film there is much to learn. He goes on this journey of learning and understanding more about who he is and how he is showing up and that really is life isn’t it.
The big question is do you learn and how do you grow?
Happiness is a thing that is unique to us all. We all have our own version of it. It’s also free. Many would say it has a price but when you really get down to the nitty gritty detail of life it’s all about what you create it to be. For a long time I did believe that happiness had a price. It was about stuff for me. I did fall into the vibe of thinking about the stuff that had brought me happiness yet when it was all taken away I learned that really if I am not happy from the inside I never can be truly happy outside.
What life and the Self-Development world taught me along the road.
Now you may be reading this and have no idea what the self development world is. It’s a beautiful, crazy and somewhat broken view on how to live your best life. Why do I say broken? Well because much of it is. After nearly 20 years of being in it I realised that much of what I had learned actually didn’t work. I had inner hurt, trauma that was playing out in so many ways in my life and despite many years of “mindset” work I still wasn’t moving forward. I was pretending to be happy when actually I really wasn’t.
Along the way I met many people who helped me and for very different reasons. From some of them I learned exactly how not to do it, from others I got their version and looked to see if that fit for my size and then with a select few I was blown away! The really interesting part is it was the ones who shouted the least. It was the ones who did not have the big stage and big limelight (yet 😉 ) that made the biggest impact.
When I learned what Mr Miagi was really talking about in the karate Kid it all changed! I learned that happiness was truly an inside job.
If you are a kid of the 80’s you will know the line. “Don’t think….FEEEEELLL” We thought we got it back then, but the fact is I was too young and didn’t have the life experience and wisdom to know.
So why this, why did this work above everything else I had spent years working on. Why did this work show me the true meaning of happiness? Well after I got it, it was simple. When you consider that we are not taught how to process our emotions, in fact more often than not the exact opposite. As a kid I was often told to “stop crying,” “get a grip of yourself!” Well maybe if someone had taught me how or asked me to share why I was crying and what emotion was coming up I may have processed differently. The thing was I didn’t know and the fact is my Mom was emotionally traumatised as a kid so had no idea how to show me and my Dad bless him was always at work. I grew up in an era where we didn’t understand emotion like we do now. It was still very close to the second world war. My Grandad had been in the war and was emotionally ripped apart by his experience. So we were taught to hate the Germans and not talk about it as it was too upsetting. Emotion taking over and not being felt. We didn’t know that fear really means Feel Everything And RESPOND, not react! In 30 plus years not a huge amount has changed in supporting this are until now….
Then we arrive in 2021.….
I now have the tools that allow me to process my emotions. I now have the support that helps me be who I really am. I no longer apologise for this or try to be someone I’m not. Part of this journey led me to the Gene Keys created by the amazing Richard Rudd. The same person that taught me to process my emotions in a new way, also shared this and she is now not only one of my closest friends, she is a business partner too.
You see happiness isn’t something you find, it’s something that you are. To be it, you have to really know who you are and BE who you really are. I learned from the Gene Keys that I did not come here to fit in. I came here to break the status quo, I can here to disrupt. I spent most of my life being told “You don’t fit in” and finally I found out I wasn’t meant to HALLLALEUAH! I felt like I’d finally come home.
Being part of the Rise and Shine Movement means that I get to do my bit for humanity as I was meant to in my purpose. The amazing partners I have mean that between us we all have a beautiful vibe that shares everything we all need to BE Happy. So all the years of pain and challenge are absolutely part of the road I have walked and I am truly grateful for every step.
I am now a beautiful example of what is possible when you never give up. So if reading or listening to this you feel like you are not where you want to be and you want that support, then shout, reach out, connect. We are here to help you all, the first step is to say I need you!
I know the years of pain are all worth it, I have learned to live life in a way I didn’t understand or know. Now it seems like second nature and just beautiful. Yes there will be bumps in the road, now I have exactly what I need to process them.
So what is your version of Happy? I’d love to hear more.
Shine bright and be happy, it’s really what life is all about.